At the age of 17, my friend Shera and I attended a concert that would forever change our lives. We went to meet guys but we came out with God. The year was 2001. In the world of Christian music, it was the era of Michael W. Smith, Steven Curtis Chapman and Nichole Nordeman.

We were hot and exhausted as we each hauled our luggage for the weekend into the Comfort Inn’s lobby. “I’m sorry but you’re actually in the other hotel that’s connected to us. You’re going to have to walk around the outside and down to it.”

The clerk at the counter spoke words of dread as Shera and I looked up at each other, with the painful ache of being in the car for too long. We were 17 and had overpacked for our first-ever concert/overnight experience. There were a couple other girls in the lobby who had made the same mistake. We struck up a conversation, and laughed at the realization that it had been their car which read “Honk if you love Jesus” that we’d laid on the horn for, minutes earlier. They were also going to the outdoor Sonshine concert, and after parting we walked for what seemed like a mile before finally collapsing onto our beds in the air conditioned hotel room.

Later, as we arrived at the enormous outdoor concert, we wondered how many thousands of people must have been packed into one cornfield (there were 12,000 to be exact). To our surprise, amongst the countless crowds of people surrounding the three different stages, we ran right into the girls from the hotel—not once, but twice! The girls introduced us to their group of friends, all from Buffalo, Minnesota. They were nice but I remember thinking that there was something different about them. What was it? They didn’t resemble the quiet and contained Christians back at school. They were wild and crazy and didn’t need any substances to have fun. The girls in the group didn’t judge us; They were genuinely happy to hear our stories and had no interest in pumping themselves up. The guys in the group made us want to earn their respect due to what was in our hearts; Not what was worn on our bodies – They were the first guys who had ever made us feel that way.

Before we knew it, the great and anticipated performance of Michael W. Smith had come. It was our last night with our new friends, and we stood close to each other under the moonlight, waiting for the singer everyone loved so much to appear. Periodically, Shera and I would glance at each other in awe, bewilderment, excitement…There was a strange feeling in the air that neither of us had ever felt.

Michael W. Smith hit the stage, and his beautiful music that I would’ve once made fun of, captured my ear. But it was different this time. I had heard this guy on the radio, but the music I was hearing now was gorgeous. His words were meaningful to me. What happened next is something I struggle to explain.

“Open the eyes of my heart, Lord…I want to see you…” The Sonshine crowd was singing the lines over and over again. I was singing words I’d sang in church many times, but for the first time I wasn’t singing them out of my mouth. I was singing them from my heart. I remember looking up into the starry sky and telling God that despite the darkness I had been living in, despite the mistakes I’d made, that if He actually existed, I wanted to see Him. And at that moment, I asked Him to open the eyes of my heart. And here’s the most breath-taking, exhilarating part: He answered me!!! The following is the excerpt from my journal that night:

Why was the sky so beautiful all of the sudden and where had all of the Heavenly voices come from? It didn’t sound like a group of people to my ears anymore. All of the sudden, the sounds of the crowd had been transformed into an angelic BURST of energy—As shivers rushed up and down my spine, I felt the heavy chains come free from my wrists as they hit the ground one by one: my past, my selfish ambitions, my worries, my fears, my guilt, my tears…and all at once I was free. Free to really fly for the first time in my life. What was this feeling and where was it coming from? Was I dreaming? The song went on and on and on…And as I stared at the stars I realized that God loved me. He was telling me so! I could hear His words as clear as day. He had always loved me. He had loved me through my hatred for His people. He had loved me through my lies. He had loved me through each and every bad thing I’d ever done. He was like a real Father who had been waiting 17 years for me to actually understand, and was now smiling down at me. In complete surrender, I happened to notice that my arms had flown up in the air – reaching to get just a little closer to Him. Wait! I wasn’t one of the people that did things like that. I glanced over at Shera, only to see that her arms were up too. The smile we exchanged in that moment is something most of us will only experience in Heaven.

As we sang at the top of our lungs to our new favorite songs all the way home, the weight of what had happened hadn’t yet hit Shera and I. The look in my mom’s eye as she saw us hopping out of the car could have said a million words. She knew God had answered her wildest dream: to save and know her children. My words, as she’s told me later, were only supplements to the Holy Spirit she saw in my eyes.

Nothing about life after returning from Sonshine that summer was ever the same.

For starters, no one and nothing could take away my smile; I felt God’s tug on my heart around every corner. I’ll never forget the first time the Bible came alive to me. I opened the book of 1 John and gobbled up every word as it all of the sudden made sense for my life. Shera and I discovered a lively, new church together, and were immediately supplied with all of the Christian friends we could ever have asked for. They taught us how to have fun with things other than partying—things I never thought good Christian girls would do, like streaking through the golf course at midnight! We each vowed to be single that first week back from the concert, transferred to a Christian university later that year and found that a picture of us at our new church was in the newspaper…as if introducing us to the community for the first time as our new and beautiful selves in Christ.

-written by a 17 year old me, on fire for the Lord

give you the world

and show you mine

make you laugh

and cry when you cry

hold you as long as time will permit

and crawl after you when you just won’t sit

twirl you around to heartland in the kitchen

and make sure when you go outside you wear mittens

teach you to catch your first bull frog

and spend the night under the stars

giggling all night long

wipe your tears when a girl breaks your heart

and tell you the right one will never depart

be your foundation

be your guide

and remind you you’ll never lose

as long as God’s on your side.

The transition into motherhood has brought all sorts of new delights and challenges into my life, as I’m sure it has for you. At first, I wrestled with what the right amount of work/Mom balance was. As an event planner, I had a certain amount of control over my schedule, however, I quickly exhausted myself in trying to do it all. The problem was that I was seeking grandparent/sitter help to cover my “work time,” which, while fulfilling to a degree, was leaving me without any real “breaks!” I was either on as a Mom at home or on as an event planner outside the home but never just getting a breather. I dreamt of putting on clothing, carrying on with adult conversation and having lunch breaks at a full-time career. But then there were the perks of never missing a milestone or precious moment of crawling down the hall after my babycakes at home, (watching Dr Phil in the background – let’s be honest) and being the one to truly raise our son. I don’t need to delve too far into the minuses of each scenario – we all know that commuting, dealing with bad bosses, deadlines and high heels can be a real headache; Managing a straight 14 hours of diapers, teething and entertainment for toddlers while having hair pulled and shirt after shirt spit up on has its downsides too.

I have lots of friends on both ends of the spectrum – some are in high powered, high paying careers while others are enjoying the fruits of raising their families, full-time. Some had full-time careers before becoming Moms, while others had jobs that they didn’t love to begin with. The common thread for all of us seems to be that the grass is always greener on the other side; Everyone who works full-time wishes they had more time at home; Everyone who is at home would love the perfect part-time job. I don’t think that the perfect middle ground exists, ladies! One thing God is working on teaching me right now is to live in the present and to appreciate where I am right this instant. I believe that a relationship with Him is one of the only things that will pull us through life and give us the energy and motivation required to be good Moms. I’ll touch more on this in a sec-

Call me a traditionalist, but my husband’s career is our bread & butter; Where he was definitely filling in with daddy duty as he was able, we were both hitting the sack completely exhausted as I tried to be the woman that we fought so hard to be…the go-getter at work, the friend, the coach, the Mom, the wife…you know the role. I believe that the right role looks different for every woman and that the ones we choose aren’t necessarily the “easiest,” rather, but what is best for our families. And then, for most, there isn’t a choice. We are dealt the cards that we are dealt and we will raise the next generation to be the best that they can be with the time that we have with them. For me, this has meant minimizing my work schedule and staying home. Am I excited to get back to the working world some day? Absolutely. But for now, I am trading in most of my event planning clipboard for laundry detergent and puffs…and I feel darn lucky to do so.

So where does God fit into our craziness? Being home with one child has actually meant more dependence on God for me than ever before; I have found this time to be the loneliest of my life, therefore my dependence on Him has been amplified like crazy. As a result, I’ve tried to make time for a quick devotion, at the very least, every day. I like “Jesus Calling” (there’s a book and an app-I’m on my third year of re-reading it and I’m here to tell you, it always applies to the exact situation we’re in); My sister- in-law also recommended “My Utmost for his Highest” by Oswald Chambers. Adding my favorite Christian radio station playing during the day and church, weekly, has helped substantially as well.

Joyce Meyers makes several solemn promises in her book, “The Confident Mom,”which I highly recommend. She states explicitly that:

-Having regular fellowship and time with God is the most important thing you should do for yourself (she even encourages Moms to hire a babysitter for a few hours a week in order to spend this time with God if need be), P. 186.

-The busier we are and the more responsibility we have, the more time we need with Him, P. 187.

-We all need daily time with God to fulfill His plan for our lives. Without it we cannot be the mom, the wife, or the person He has called us to be, P 189.

Now, I have been told that with two children, all of this goes out the window. I am actively collecting God time and grace, in preparation for that coming time of chaos. And even then, we must remind ourselves that “this too, shall pass” and that there will come a day when we will miss the diapers, the crying, the craziness. I love hearing how other Moms manage their faith walks from those who read a little each day, like me, to the ones who are working full time and still going on mission trips and leading small groups – what are you doing to keep in touch with God? Would love to hear from you. Prayers to you and your family as we raise amazing kiddos, in Him who makes all things possible.