fear

/ˈfir/

noun

• 1.an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, or likely to cause pain.

I’ll never forget the first time someone asked me, “did you know that we are NOT supposed to worry?” What on earth did this crazy person even mean by this question, I thought. Surely they weren’t successful in life. Worrying had always provided me with the strength to get ahead of the situation, to think through the problem, to ponder how to prevent it, and it made me feel like I was being careful instead of reckless. Outwardly, I was successful at everything I did; but I had to admit that inwardly, I was a wreck. Wasn’t everyone? For a brief moment, I paused. What if fear and worrying weren’t how God had intended my mind to spend its day? Was it even possible not to worry? I decided to give it a shot. 

The first step in preventing worry was to realize when and how often I was obliging. Every single day, every single hour, almost every single minute. It was no wonder I was miserable. At first, I would realize when the onset of negative thoughts was occurring but couldn’t seem to do anything about it. I knew that “we must take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.” But how? So that’s where I started – I said that verse out loud more times than I can count. Every time a bad thought crept in, I said it. And there I was, beginning to find a few extra moments in each hour with which to breathe. And then I received a few hours back into each day. And then, days and weeks and months appeared, without worrying.

It had to be a consistent and conscious surrender on my part, while also maintaining the realization that worrying is based on pride. I knew that pride is not pleasing to God. Pride is us telling God that we’re good without His input; that we’ve got this. Fear is us not trusting Him; And worry is us telling Him that we think there could have been a better way of doing it. That He has somehow disappointed us and gotten it wrong. Surely He missed something or this problem that we are worried about wouldn’t exist. We do live in a fallen world, which guarantees problems..even for the Christian – especially for the vivacious Christian. But we also have another guarantee – “In this world you will have problems. But take heart. For I have conquered the world.” If Jesus has conquered the world, it means He’s already seen and touched every problem that finds its way into my life. I might not understand it, but He does. I am promised that He will use the problems for my good, to make me stronger, to build my character and to ultimately lead me to more maturity and peace in this life….if only I’m able to trust Him. Not scramble to take measures into my own hands (which I am oh, so capable of doing). Sadly, my type A friends and I could likely handle the situation very well. We might gain grey hairs and have sleepless nights, but we’ve always managed, right? We will worry about ourselves, thank you, and handle problems like no one else seems to be able to. Yes, I could live that way for my whole life and even be successful, and then die. But my, would I be missing out! This worry free life is something I’ve now tasted, and let me tell you – allowing God to lead is the only way to live life with peace. There is no other way. I am a recovering worrier, people-pleaser, control freak, task manager, event planner, take matters into-my-own-hands person, and I’m here to proclaim that there IS such a thing as worry free living. Not pain free. Worry free. The difference is that I trust that whatever pain I’m handed has purpose. 

Another obstacle to conquer if we are to eradicate fear and worrying altogether, is to recognize them for what they are in the first place. Think about the decisions we all make on a daily basis. Are we attending the event out of fear of missing out, or are we attending out of love? Are we exercising for fear of gaining weight or are we loving on our bodies? Are we being overly protective of our children out of fear over what might happen, or are we lovingly raising them while simultaneously enjoying every moment of their little lives as we were designed, to? Are we attending church to stay out of hell or to experience a little bit of heaven? Are we fearful of the corona virus? Or are we remembering that for a follower of Jesus, the worst case scenario is spending eternity in heaven with Him?

If you believe that there is a God who loves you and gently beckons you to trust Him and get to know Him in this life, then I hope you also believe that satan is very real, enticing you to fear, to doubt, to worry and to isolate. His biggest victory is that people don’t believe he exists. He certainly believes you exist, and he knows exactly what scares you the most. His only goal is to intimidate you into a life based on fear instead of love. The pain we are experiencing here on earth is short lived, and he knows that if we begin to realize that, then Christ followers and the church will be unstoppable. 

Fear is living “safely” because we believe we can and should prevent pain. Fear blames differences for division. Fear isolates. Fear lies. Fear causes more pain, and anger and frustration. Fear barks at our leaders who are standing in the trenches, and points fingers. Fear is exhausting. If faith is the foundation upon which we are called to build our lives, then fear is the wrecking ball out to destroy it. The opposite of love isn’t hatred; it’s fear. 

So go ahead and do all of the things. Take precautions; wear a mask. Be smart. But above all else, do not allow your mind to be consumed by fear, doubt and worrying. “For who of you by worrying, can add a single minute to your life?” “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ.” 

Perfect love drives out all fear.

References:

2 Corinthians 10:5

James 4:6

James 1:2-4

John 16:33

Romans 8:28

Luke 12:25

Phillippians 4:6-7

1 John 4:18

1 Peter 5:8

A few weeks ago, my sister-in-law told me that she was giving up social media for Lent. What a fabulous idea, I thought, and quickly committed to doing the same. While the silence from the scroll was 90% easy, there was still that 10% of the time where I genuinely missed supporting others, or posting an occasional photo that was sure to bring a laugh or a smile to the faces of friends and family. Overall, giving up the time on the phone was a good decision –it provided me with the ability to be more present, put hours back into my day and was a challenge that I could certainly handle. So I stuck with it.

A few days later, our country went into lockdown due to the quickly spreading corona virus. My husband and I made the decision to fully comply, which meant giving up our playdates, errands, gym, activities, school and any babysitter help (not that any of this was an option once the states officially closed down). Now THIS was something new. The selfish overachiever in me had always pushed myself to accomplish more…do more…be more to more people…I had the babysitter help so it was only fitting to take on more, right? But without all of the distractions, to-do lists and the paper calendar I’d often found myself glued to, I was sure to lose my mind. I believed with all my heart that these things were what had been “holding me together” during the baby and toddler “jail time,” as so many others had referred to this season of my life. I believed I was weird and wired differently than everyone else…that I somehow needed these things in my life in order to thrive and survive as a Mom.

Last weekend I was the proud recipient of every Mama’s dream: a hot cup of coffee and some down time at a hotel for the weekend. Now, to be fair, I was there for a writer’s conference with books, note pads, pens, business cards and high heels in hand. I hadn’t been sure of what to be more excited for – the possibility of sleeping past 7, the alone time with my thoughts (not just in the bathroom) or perhaps the writing and speaking tips I would pick up along the way.

As expected, my time was filled with learning, inspiration, “God moments”…all the things I’d hoped for. All the things I’d busily cleaned and cooked and prepared my home for while I’d be gone. All the things I’d pumped bottles and prepped my husband for in regards to his taking on both our three year old as well as our energetic eight month old, for the weekend.  All the things that would be worth it in my anticipation of that solid, magical alone time.

The old me, meaning the person I’ve been for all thirty-five years of my life, loved alone time. Craved it. I’ve always said that I’m an extroverted introvert. As much as I love the energy of being around people and making connections, afterwards, I need a break. Knowing this about myself, I’d never fill a trip with a sidekick to talk to on the plane, or a roommate; There is no better way to zap my energy. And now with the added layer of being a Mom, alone time had certainly become an even greater necessity… Right?

I never want to be a twenty-something again.

Work hard and prove yourself. Network and get to know as many people as possible. Keep in touch with old friends, engage with new ones. Travel, try every internship and juggle hobbies and fitness on top of it. Maybe do more school. Have multiple jobs at once, attend weddings, attend bridal showers, attend weddings, attend bridal showers (not a typo), group dinner, drinks, cabin, and drive…everywhere. Have coffee, have another coffee, meet for the third coffee of the day, and then happy hour. So many happy hours. Save up, pin the thing. Host the thing, design the thing, order the thing, buy the gift, and celebrate.